Gary Nilson who often helps with our media stuff asked if we’d run a feature on a trip his mate Mark Castel ran through his DESA tour company. We agreed and were sent what follows…
15 Crazy Bikers, 5 Countries, 4 Border Crossings, 7,000km – Joburg to Dar es Salaam
By: doepicshitadventures.com
Our only riding rule: never ride alone—groups of two or more, no exceptions. No waiting at turns, stops, fuel stations, or borders; just push in small groups and see each other at the hotel each night.
Day 1 – Saturday, 7th June
We assembled at Fast KTM for an early 8am departure—the earliest some of us had been vertical in years. The plan: cover the longest day of the trip, a whopping 728km to Francistown, Botswana. The first border crossing should have been a breeze, but our agents managed to mix up our paperwork, stranding us at Martin’s Drift for five hours. By the time we finally got moving, the sun was long gone and we had 300km of Botswana’s finest potholes ahead, all in the dark. It was hectic—a taste of the craziness to come. We rolled into Cresta Marang Gardens in good spirits, and after a couple of beers and some amazing food, we crashed, knowing the Kazungula border crossing awaited.
Day 2 – Sunday, 8th June
With the notorious Kazungula border ahead, we left at 7am. The ride up was awesome, cutting through the Kavango-Zambezi Transfrontier Conservation Area, with elephants and giraffe right by the tar—beats any city commute. The border process had “improved”—no agent needed, just a degree in computer science and psychic powers. Still, we got through in a couple of hours and made our way to the mighty Vic Falls, which was in full flow. Most of the team headed straight to the Vic Falls Hotel to see the falls in the afternoon sun, but four of us took the dirt road along the Zambezi in Mosi-oa-Tunya National Park after making a donation to the park. Riding with wildlife and getting snapped by tourists on riverboats—now that’s living. There was even a hippo encounter at the waterfront. We stopped for a couple of Mosi lagers, watching the sunset over the Zambezi (while getting destroyed by mozzies). It was a jovial evening with Mosi’s flowing and a meal fit for kings back at the hotel.
Day 3 – Monday, 9th June
After an early morning walk along Vic Falls and a power brekkie, it was time to leave for Lake Safari Lodge on the banks of Lake Kariba. The first part of the ride was on good tar, then we hit rough dirt roads—anything not bolted down was shaken off or broken: windscreens, spokes, bags, GPSs, you name it. After a couple repairs, we hit the most epic potholed tar road—huge flowing fun, and easy to dodge the potholes and goats through the Zambian bush. At a fork, riders had a choice: 120km of the same road or 60km of dirt, sand, and riverbeds.
Both routes would take about two hours.
Cue our first casualty: Andre (“Jou Naai”) fell off, broke ribs, and trashed his suspension. He got himself unstuck in a rut that washed out his front wheel. When he caught up, we realised both he and his bike were battered—destroyed rear shock, leaking fork seals in the front. Some of us took the 60km dirt—soft river beds, arid terrain, rocky sections, and for me, the best riding of the tour.
The day ended with more Mosi’s in the pool watching a sunset over Lake Kariba—except for the newly named “Team Night Riders” (Lefty and son), who managed to ride the tar route, then decided to double back, and do the technical bit in the dark.
Wasn’t their fault, the “GPS” made them do it. Once they arrived, had a couple beers, got their personalities back, they joined us for great food and laughs.
Day 4 – Tuesday, 10th June
Today was my 50th birthday, so the guys couldn’t bitch too much about what I knew was going to be a tough one. 689km on boring tar, some sections potholed, with police nailing us for anything especially through Lusaka, which is a nightmare even though we detoured most of it.
But first, Francois had to sort out Andre’s KTM. Fast were sourcing us a new shock, but that would take days to arrive ahead of us. Francois came up with a genius plan and cut up one of our spare tyres into blocks, wedging and duct taping them into the rear spring—which, amazingly, worked very well for the entire trip. Andre, even though he should have been in hospital, was able to continue riding. (He’s a tough bugger, but our medic’s drugs were good and would be needed a lot more on the trip.)
The riding was slow and the harassment was real, with many fines for everything from speeding, to unsafe driving, to overtaking on the left, to crossing a solid white line—all of which also come with a fast track court date, blah blah blah, pay the money and move on. We all arrived in the early evening at Pangani Hotel, but coming through the city was quite awesome with the most vibrant, colourful lights and nightclubs this side of Miami.
The hotel was amazing—all marble floors, good aircon, and a great dinner and birthday cake.
Day 5 – Wednesday, 11th June
This was going to be a great day as we were heading to the beautiful Chembe Eagles Nest Resort at Cape Maclear on Lake Malawi. Just one border crossing, Mwami Border Post, stood between us and heaven—or so we thought.
The riding to the lodge was great in Malawi, just one major obstacle: the country had run dry of petrol and there was no fuel at any pump. This didn’t seem to affect the traffic in Lilongwe, though, which was hectic but… we hadn’t seen anything yet. This meant a nice ride was hampered as we had to find black market fuel on the side of the road and were charged two to three times the pump rate. A litre of fuel cost from 5,000–8,000 kwacha—this is equivalent to R50–R80 per litre.
The locals were ruthless with the fuel. The only saving grace was that they were also keen on USD and offered us double the bank rate if we exchanged dollars for kwacha—this helped a little as there was no Vaseline .
As we all slowly made our way to Chembe, the roads were great—some good tar and dirt led us through a very small village where you are sure you are lost as it’s full of villagers and very narrow street. Eventually, you come out at a big gate which opens on your approach.
Once you walk through to the bar, you realise you are in heaven and the Castel beers slide down easy with a late lunch burger for those who arrived on time.
This was the night before our first off day and our first fines evening. There were many fines, amazing food, the most incredible beach and bonfire, and a few of us slept around the fire under the stars to be woken with a good cup of local coffee.
Day 6 – Thursday, 12th June
Our first day in a week to sleep in a little—except those of us who woke up on the beach with sun beating down and a fuzzy head from all the fines the night before. The day was spent lazing around the resort, which was like Mauritius: warm blue water but not salty. Some basic bike maintenance was done and then refueling, with locals bringing us endless litres of fuel in plastic bottles. After a great lunch, we had a booze, fish eagle feeding, snorkeling cruise.
This was another highlight as we swam in warm, clear blue water, snorkeled with the Malawi cichlid fish which are the most vibrant colours from blue to orange. Watched fish eagles and hamerkop catch fish three metres from the boat and finished the cruise off with some ice cold beers whilst watching a golden sunset.
Heading back to Chembe, we arrived at last light to a magnificent braai on the beach and then an early night in anticipation for the next day.
Day 7 – Friday, 13th June
The day started with an awesome ride out of Monkey Bay, but as soon as we were on the main road up to Nkhata Bay, we realised how much the road infrastructure had deteriorated in recent years.
The scenery was stunning up Lake Malawi, but you had to become the pothole dodger 3000 to make sure you didn’t destroy your rims.
There were epic mountain passes and forests we travelled through, with a highlight being a rubber plantation with the best flowing road in Malawi. The front runners also found out that the dirt road to the hotel was flooded and almost unrideable on a big bike—it was mountains of wet red clay which would have been more suited to an ice rink than a road. Some fun was had getting back out to the tar road loop to the lodge. Luckily, the lodge was beautiful on the rocky banks of Lake Malawi.
That night, we enjoyed local cuisine and some finished off the night with a little Malawi Gold. For them, the walk back to their rooms was a hilarious journey which took about two hours, with many falls, banging on doors, circles, and some injuries reported the next morning.
Also reported the next day was a golden shower someone gave to two German travelers who unfortunately were lying in hammocks under said rider’s balcony.
Today was also one of the most tragic days for the team as one of our riders fell asleep on his bike and had a serious accident 80km from the lodge. VT was riding at about 100kph when he veered off the road into thick bush which pushed him back onto the tar where he crashed. He was in a lot of pain and had clearly broken ribs and clavicle and was also showing signs of some road rash through his enduro jacket. Our medic was in the support car a couple hours behind us, so we got a local to drive him to the nearest hospital.
When I say hospital, it’s not what you would think—it’s a grand big colonial hospital that looks amazing but zero staff, and those that were there were not interested in helping and probably a good thing we left straight back to Mayoka Lodge. Our Medic Jacques set up a welcome drip with all the good stuff which helped VT get some rest that night. The next day with some help from Discovery and VT’s family, he was off to a local private hospital who stabilized and prepped him for extraction back to Milpark in Joburg, SA.
He had multiple injuries, but we’re happy to say he’s back home recovering well.
Day 8 – Saturday, 14th June
This was by far one of the most hectic days, with a long border crossing from Malawi into Tanzania across the Songwe Border Post and everyone arriving in the dark. We also lost an hour due to the time zone difference. The ride to the border was pleasant, with the stunning Malawian coastline giving way to lush forest even though the first 50km we were riding in a cold torrential downpour.
All through Africa, motorbikes have no right of way, and this is made very clear in Tanzania—you must always assume that the oncoming traffic has right of way, even if they’re in your lane.
On the positive side, you also don’t have to stop at police and military roadblocks as they’re not interested in you.
The pain of the border crossing made the next 100km from the border to Mbeya even sweeter; the roads were breathtaking and the scenery from a movie: natural forest, huge coffee, tea, fruit, and peanut plantations. As we were getting closer to our overnight at the epic Utengule Coffee Lodge, locals warned us not to take the dirt road we had planned as the road was flooded, but rather take the detour on tar through Mbeya.
This decision, in retrospect, was the wrong decision as we got to Mbeya as the town was getting ready for Saturday night and it was f***ing hectic to put it mildly.
The traffic was insane and we found it difficult to get anywhere, even on bikes. We had to dodge flashing tuk-tuks, trucks, buses, people, and other bikes all coming at you in the night in your lane at the same time. After the first five minutes of terror, you assimilate as a local and just go with it —this was the most thrilling night ride of my life and you have to see the GoPro to understand. There will be many, many stories around the fire about this night still.
As with all things in life, there was a silver lining as we made it to a cracker of a hotel on a coffee plantation and were treated to cold Kilimanjaro beer, proper coffee, and a five-star three-course meal.
Our medic (AKA Steekmoer) got in late as he got lost and his GPS failed, so he got a local to sit on the back of his bike holding his phone for directions.
Day 9 – Sunday, 15th June
Day 9 was a great ride as we were on the real Tanzanian back roads and rode through some breathtaking scenery. We rode hard and fast as we were on our way to my favorite spot in Tanzania: Lake Shore Lodge on the banks of Lake Tanganyika.
Coffin Dodger saw his ass on one of the gravel corners after more than one beer with the local villagers en route, but luckily just his pride was injured and the bike left with a couple battle scars.
After a stunning forest/bush ride with a couple tricky spots on loose gravel, we decided to do the technical ride to the lodge. I had always been told not to try this in a car, but it was a good loop on a bike which got the heart rate up.
We arrived at the most stunning place on Lake Tanganyika to a cool refreshing towel and welcome cocktail followed by many beers in the most serene setting which could be the Maldives.
Another five-star meal on the beach from chef Jemma set the tone for another crazy fines meeting which moved to a beach bonfire with a few of us once again sleeping around the fire.
Day 10 – Monday, 16th June
We woke up to the sounds of waves breaking on the beach for another day off. After a Michelin star breakfast, it was time for a lot of bike maintenance with our legend mechanic Francois working his ass off from sunrise to sunset with help of most riders.
Francois is one of the most epic humans you will be lucky to travel Africa with—he can fix anything with wheels, assess bikes and starts fixing without you even knowing at times and was the true legend of this trip.
The day for Francois was long with routine things like brake pads and tyre replacements to trying to fix a GS rear shock mounting which had bent from bottoming out so hard. The rest of us cleaned out air filters and gave the bikes a good wash with help of the lodge staff.
Lunch time was the best fish tacos I ever had, with a booze cruise planned for later in the afternoon—it was time for a power nap.
The afternoon cruise was very special, with snacks prepped by Jem, cold Kilimanjaro’s and Serengeti’s, and the best boat in Tanzania.
We were welcomed home with another Michelin style three-course meal of beef fillet that would have looked good in Sandton.
Day 11 – Tuesday, 17th June
The day started off with brilliant riding up through the Katavi National Park with some game sightings, but due to new construction at the bridge, no hippo or crocs. Parts of the road were rough and if you got stuck behind a bus or truck it was very difficult to pass as the dust was like fine powder and you couldn’t see shit.
We managed to stop and walk up to the Nkondwe Waterfall which was beautiful but not without some fun trying to get big bikes up the small foot path, and then turning around on the slope proved very entertaining with one Ducati sliding down the hill.
That being said, we made very good time and got to a beach bar next to the Kigoma Hilltop Hotel (which is a dry hotel) and proceeded to get merry on their Kilimanjaro with very good chip platters and the most hectic chili relish known to man. This caused a few of us to have to have a couple of bossies the following day.
It was good to meet a young doctor from the UK. Emily, traveling by herself—on this it always amazes me that you bump into many young females traveling Africa by themselves and they always pop up in the most random of places.
It was good that we bumped into her as we had another rider, Big D, come off his bike in the dirt powder and seemed to have broken some ribsl. Our medic was lucky enough to get to the nearby hospital and they just handed over the best pain medication ever without a script.
There was a fire sale on the pills with guys hoarding up on these special pills from Russia. These pills got many of our riders back on their bikes and riding.
Although Big D was in pain, he managed to ride to the hotel and was in good spirits (Russian Pills) for the evening and managed to get some sleep. (Turns out after x-rays back home he had broken six ribs and that’s not where his crazy story ends—one hell of a tough man.)
We fell asleep to the sound of a forest of birds after walking back to our rooms past wildebeest and a variety of buck. Turns out the forest of birds was about 15 African grey parrots imitating all the local bird life.
Day 12 – Wednesday, 18th June
With all who needed relief on their Russian pills, the day looked bright with a good but long day of riding ahead. This was the last of the very long days with 608km to go, but the promise of a new bridge from Busisi to Mwanza should have made life easier.
The new bridge is the largest in Africa and spans 3.2km.. However, the president of Tanzania, Samia Suluhu Hassan, decided that she would hold the grand opening on the 19th of June and all traffic was stopped for the set up when we got there. A few of us made it almost over but every time, the military stopped us.
This was actually a blessing in disguise as we got to experience the thrill of a proper African ferry crossing with vegetable samosas, warm beer, and proper hospitality allowing us to all jump the queues.
Once over Lake Victoria, we arrived in Mwanza (Rock City) after another fight through African traffic. We checked into Hotel Tilapia for another rest day and enjoyed the pool and Kilimanjaro’s before dinner and another fines session.
Day 13 – Thursday, 19th June
Another chance to sleep in on our off day but not for Francois as he checked all the bikes, did some minor repairs and went into town to sort out our trailer which was slowly destroying itself on the roads. After some proper bush mechanic welding and plates by very friendly and helpful locals, the trailer was ready to finish the journey.
The day was spent exploring Rock City, which is a stunning town built in and around the rocky landscape with lush green forest overlooking Lake Victoria.
The afternoon was spent at the local hot spot Bonasera sampling their local beverages.
Another early night after a great dinner sampling local cuisine strongly influenced by the Indian hotel owners, and then it’s the last push to Dar es Salaam via Moshi.
Day 14 – Friday, 20th June
This was a very cool day of riding as the landscape was ever changing as we made our way to the Tarangire National Park for a luxury tented camp overnight. There was a stunning section of goat paths and river bed with tumble by Wadee in the Wadi. The terrain seems very familiar but also very different to what we are used to.
Once at the camp, it was pool time with our favorite snack—a plate of chips. There is something about the potatoes in Tanzania, they just taste better and go down very well with Kilimanjaro beer. (Full disclaimer: We didn’t stop for lunch most days, so were starving by the time we arrived anywhere and the chips always took 2–3 beers’ time to prepare.)
Talking about the pool, that night a couple of riders were lucky to see a leopard drinking from the pool. We saw some massive tusked elephants from the deck and the night was alive with the sounds of game.
Day 15 – Saturday, 21st June
Our shortest day of the trip at only 252km, but I had something special planned for the guys.
We left at 9am to start our easy day, but in true Africa spirit our departure was halted by the park rangers and military. The one thing that started to wear me down was that all of Africa wherever we were just wanted to extract as much cash from tourists with inflated prices and intimidation.
We were informed that we each had to pay an additional USD25 as we entered the park for the night, this was after paying the hotel with their tourism levy etc etc.
As was apparent at many times during this trip, the locals must have gotten away with intimidation tactics with European/American tourists, but they were not prepared for South Africans who had no time for kak. It is important to not be intimidated but also be friendly and make a plan—This Is Africa, as they say. This was not a one-time thing but happened repeatedly on our entire trip, and most of the time they sent us on our way without having to pay anything.
All pumped up, we started on our power ride to Chemka Hot Springs for a picnic. The road threw a little challenge at us as we neared the spring with some very muddy, slippery roads which downed a couple bikes but no injuries.
After parking our bikes, having a Kilimanjaro, we realized that we had arrived at the springs on a Saturday so we did not have them all to ourselves. Nonetheless, they were spectacular and only pictures do it justice, it’s a gem in the middle of a tropical forest with warm water that is so blue it has a glow to it.
Big D, AKA 6 broken ribs, thought it would be a good idea to do a rope swing into the spring and needed many Russian pills after that. Our other tough guy Andre, who had ridden the entire trip with broken ribs and bike, was also doing very well on the pills and was enjoying the spring.
After lunch, it was off to Kilemakyaro Mountain Lodge at the base of Mt Kilimanjaro, but not before a stop at the Garden Bar for… you guessed it, a couple Kilimanjaro’s.
The Kilemakyaro lodge was stunning, set in a lush forest with at times a view of Mt Kilimanjaro. We had an amazing dinner out on the lawn with a bit of sadness creeping in as the next day was our last day on the road.
After a night of good wine, food and Jacques’ medic bag open, we all had a great night’s sleep.
Day 16 – Sunday, 22nd June
The last day of riding from Moshi to Dar es Salaam.
We were excited and saddened for the last day of riding. After riding 6,500km with this group of legends and only 500km to go, this epic trip was coming to an end. We rode slowly and really enjoyed the last 500km, helped by scenery that was hard not to keep looking at—stunning mountain ranges, tropical palm trees and fields with large flowing rivers.
We stopped a lot for photos and, once nearing Dar, slowly made our way to the hotel. Slowly, because that’s traffic in African cities.
We all arrived around the same time and it was such a surreal experience knowing that we had just come through 7,000km, 5 countries, 4 African borders, visited the great lakes of Africa and survived.
Now it was time to celebrate. Celebrate we did with a seafood feast on the beach.
Later that night, and ill-advised, we decided to walk out on the low tide to explore the rock pools only to discover giant sea urchins which plakkies offered no protection.
Day 17 – Monday, 23rd June
Most of the day was spent lazing on the beach and sleeping off hangovers.
We also had to drop our bikes on the other side of Dar es Salaam at the shipping company who were going to ship the bikes back to SA in a container.
One last crazy ride through the most insane traffic and an even crazier ride back to the hotel in a tuk-tuk.
That evening, we walked to the waterfront on Msasani Peninsula to discover an incredible oasis of shops, padel courts and a very vibey restaurant with incredible food and a stop at a proper ice cream shop on the walk home.
The area we stayed in was almost like Key West, Florida, and homes on the Peninsula are going for ZAR 20–35 million.
Day 18 – Tuesday, 24th June
Most guys left to get straight back to SA, whilst the four of us returning to Cape Town had a flight delay with an overnight in Nairobi, Kenya. If we thought traffic was bad on a bike in Dar es Salaam, we hadn’t seen anything yet with a taxi ride in Nairobi at 17:00. Finally, we got to our hotel and, like all the places we had stayed on this trip, the food and drink were excellent.
Final thoughts:
At the start of the tour, I told the crew this was a once-off mission and that I wasn’t crazy enough to do it again in such a tight timeframe. Our goal was to hit all the great lakes—and somehow, we managed to smash it in record time. Sure, adding another 10 days would have made it less of a sprint and more of a cruise, but let’s face it, convincing the boss to give you a whole month off is harder than dodging potholes on a dirt road.
That said, the trip was everything you’d expect from an African adventure: tough as nails, painful for some, ridiculously fun for all, frustrating beyond belief, breathtakingly beautiful, surprisingly meditative, and absolutely epic from start to finish.
Would I do it again? Hell yes. Maybe not tomorrow, but definitely before I forget how much it hurt…
